Neil Webb writes exclusively on Hob Nob Anyone?

Hello, is it me you're looking for?
They may well be your words if you tuned in on Saturday against Halifax, and found that I was not 'on the ball'. As anyone who is abreast of all the latest going's on in non-league action will know, I was throwing my considerable weight around in the midfield for Merthyr against Margate. And yes, I did make the most of the 'end of the pier' attractions. Mmm, sweet candy floss action. Apparently Keith Scott sat in most ably. This doesn't surprise me, as MC Keith was the most groundbreaking DJ in the second summer of love back in the late 80's. You should see him handle a vinyl 12 incher.

But less rock, more soccer.

First of all, Millwall. I could vent my spleen at length about the distasteful spectacle, but Mr Loader only lets me have a finite amount of space, and Ben Whitmarsh's short hand may grow weary due to my time consuming dictations. All I shall say is that I felt I knew the players better than they knew each other.

I shall reserve judgement on the Halifax cup game, but a trip up north to a side keen on causing an upset may not be pretty.

Onto Wednesdays match. Although Brazil will not be soiling their underwear at the quality of our performance, and a trip to the world convention on paint drying would rival it as a spectacle, the point gained was an important one. A clean sheet against a high flying side is a reason to be cheerful considering what happened only a week before.

And so I look forward with baited breath and a knotted stomach to Saturdays game against Scunthorpe. And believe me, at my age, that doesn't look pretty. I suspect big Keith Scott will again be 'larging a fat one in the hot box'. So if you want to ask him about what's going on, go for it.

I'm off to Wales now to prepare for my appearance in the Merthyr midfield. Apparently it's less than 200 miles away from Britain. Cosmic. Remember, as the Purley street gangs say that hang around my door, ' keep it real'.

Webb over and out. Booyakasha!

Neil
As perhaps told to Ben Whitmarsh

Remember you can phone us at the Royals Football Show on 0118 9282828, to express your opinions on any matter, on the pitch or off (the players do listen you know.....well, those who aren't playing). You can also e mail the show on classicgoldradio@i-way.co.uk

Previous Classic Gold Columns:

7 November 1999