December 1994 - moves to Leicester. "I want to be at a bigger club. Leicester are in a bit of relegation trouble, but I know I can save them."
May 1995 - Leicester are relegated.
December 1995 - moves to Wolves. "I want to be at a bigger club. Wolves have got a tremendous stadium, and with Jack Hayward's backing, I know that we will challenge for promotion this season."
May 1996 - Wolves just avoid being relegated, finishing 20th.
December 1996 - moves to Burnley. "I want to be at a bigger club. Burnley have enormous potential and a great history. They've rebuilt the ground and are now going to concentrate on the team. The fans here are great, and I never believed the stories about the wife of a previous manager having her dress set alight in a restaurant. And besides I never go out because I'm too ugly.
December 1997 - moves to Blackpool. "I want to be at a bigger club. Back in the days of Stanley Matthews, this club were one of the best in the country, and I know we can recreate those days. Do you realise that there are 20 million visitors to this town every year. If we can get just 1% of them to watch a game that will be 500,000 spectators.... or is it 358? I know that most of them come in the summer when there's no football, but I'm sure we can change those habits. I spent some time with the chairman Owen Oyston recently, and he assured me that he's not going anywhere in the nearfuture."
December 1998 - moves to Plymouth Argyle. "I want to be at a bigger club. They've seen some lean years here at Home Park, but the potential is tremendous. Do you realise the catchment area they've got? If you live in Buenos Aires, and fancy popping out to watch an English League game, then Argyle are your nearest club. We've put kick-off back to 3.15pm to help fans such as these whomake a late decision to come to the game."
December 1999 - moves to Warrington. "I want to be at a bigger club. Of course Warrington aren't actually in the Nationwide League, or indeed the Vauxhall Conference, at the moment, but this town has got a population of 250,000, and is the nation's most central location (it says here) so there is huge potential. Some people have scoffed and said that most people here watch Man United or another sport, but I feel that these are opportunities, not problems."
December 2000 - moves to Lake Windermere. "I want to be at a bigger club. Technically, I realise that there isn't actually a club here, and that drainage is a bit of a problem with the ground . . . or at least would be if we had a ground. I feel that these are the sort of obstacles that narrow-minded people put up to stop progress. Some people have said that if I'd had a few more brains, I might still be at Reading, and shared in their recent European success, but as we know they're only a little club."
December 2001 - moves to Mars. "I want to be at a bigger club. I didn't think that there'd ever be a good reason to leave the Windermere set-up, but when an entire planet becomes available you have to listen! Obviously, Mars don't actually play in the English League at the moment, and there aren't any players here either, but I feel that this is very much a step up the career ladder. I will never move again."
December 2002 - moves to Jupiter. "I want to be at a bigger club. I know I said that I'd never move again, and everyone knows how much my word means to me, but when the Jupiter offer came in, I had to take it. This is clearly the largest planet in the Solar System, and when that conveyor belt of Jovian talent gets moving, it will be up, up, up all the way. Goo goo goo goo . . .
N.B. TTB would like to make it absolutely clear that press reports questioning Mr. McGhee's sanity are simply scurrilous rumour.
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